THE MAN I LOVE
What are you two up to?
Cut it out now!
Give me that. Whose keys are they?
- They're mine. - Hand them over.
- What's your name? - Najib.
These are Lucas'. Where did you get them?
Hurry up and shower. We close in 15 minutes.
Martin, are you happy here?
Our lifeguard. You haven't met him. He's off duty today.
Close up the pool...
You're the new monitor?
I'm Lucas.
Martin.
You seem to have scored.
With them? Whatever...
I'll be closing in 15 minutes.
Not today. I'm diving.
But I'm finished.
And I'm just starting.
Find something to do.
Clean the lockers. The toilets are filthy.
Sorry, I'm not waiting an hour.
Hey hunk, I said...
it's closing time!
Happy now? How will I get home?
Take this.
Forget it. I'll manage.
Take it. I meant to give it to you. It's too big for me.
Look... I bet you look good in stripes.
My cologne... I hope you'll like it.
Lucas, wait up!
You walk fast!
Who asked you to follow me?
Still angry?
No, I don't care. It'll dry.
- Where are you going? - St. Victor.
Can I tag along?
You always walk with your head down.
So did I, when I was a kid. One day...
I banged into a wall. It was pretty serious.
Been working there long?
2 or 3 years.
A wedding ring! Married?
It's my mother's. She's dead.
Sorry...
I was 6 months old. I got over it.
You live alone or with someone?
No? Yes?
- Girls must like you. - That depends.
Are you seeing a girl or not?
You ask too many questions.
I don't know why. I'm usually shy.
Now we're both dead silent.
Can I ask you one last question?
- Answer... - What is it?
Are you gay?
I asked if you're gay. I am, that's why.
It's easier when everything's out in the open.
So?
I like you, Lucas.
Really... not just a little.
Can I invite you out?
What the hell? Are you stupid? You're sick!
Bingo.
Why are you here?
I found these at the pool.
You used the chimney?
The neighbor's.
Never put your address on your keys.
I don't care.
Can I have some water?
Running up stairs is bad for me.
I'll drink and scram. How about it?
You're into sign language?
- Deaf friends? - The kitchen's there.
I know sign language too.
Isn't that funny?
We can talk in signs. It's easier for communicating.
Weren't you thirsty?
If we work together,
we might as well get along. Forget what I said.
That's hard.
Sorry, I'm not deaf.
I misunderstood... I saw you signing.
Working with the deaf gets to me.
Lise.
Martin. I'm a friend of Lucas'.
You have a friend? Good!
We're not friends. We work together.
Yeah, we're... office mates.
"Friend" is a figure of speech.
Exactly... So long now.
I don't get it. How do you know sign language?
It's a long story.
Don't just stand there. Come tell me...
I have lots of deaf friends.
And my best friend's boyfriend is deaf.
But that's not the real reason.
Go on...
The first guy I fell in love with was deaf.
I didn't know how to approach him. I learned to sign.
- It can help. - Not at all.
It was a flop.
I wasn't his type.
And you?
Did you learn it out of love?
Sort of...
Generally speaking. I work with deaf kids. I interpret.
Stop it, Lucas!
- Where did you get this? - It's his.
We swapped. There was a flood at the pool.
I always said you look good in stripes.
What now?
See you later. We're busy.
So long...
Wait... Are you free for dinner?
I'd planned something romantic...
But that flopped too.
Don't stay by yourself.
Come eat with us.
I reserved for two.
Good thinking.
So long...
What's your problem?
Wait, I'm wearing heels!
#If you love me, beware!
#Beware!
What are you having?
Try the fish soup. It's not canned.
You keep on brooding.
Can't we talk?
You never talk?
Not much.
What do you like?
Music?
Books? Cars?
None of that.
Soccer! Let's talk soccer. I love it.
Oh yeah, I ask too many questions.
Why did you come?
Eating alone ruins my appetite.
And it's best that I don't diet.
Don't worry. I won't ruin your night out.
- No more tables. - Forget it. I'll go.
Out of the question. We'll squeeze.
Come on...
I'll sit between you two.
Good idea.
Really. We'll bother each other less.
What are you having?
Fish soup.
Stop, I'm dizzy!
Have you known Lucas for long?
A year, but it seems like forever.
You're lucky...
I mean, you both are.
Thanks for the flowers.
There's one for each of you.
You didn't say a word all night.
Nothing to say.
I like your Martin.
He's not my Martin!
I could get jealous. He likes you.
Cut the crap!
I bet guys like you.
Too bad for them.
Too bad for him.
Where are you going?
You deserve a prize.
Are you crazy?
You're showing off, you dive: you deserve this.
Idiot!
Stop it! What's going on?
Sorry, Mr. Millau.
Clean that up now!
You understand?
I'm going about it wrong.
I'll say.
Life sucks. Pools are full of guys like you.
I chose the wrong one.
Yeah, what a bummer.
You're not too angry?
Why would I be?
Cheers.
Where were you?
I had to work late.
I'm celebrating my birthday.
Same day, year after year. Call me dumb, but I like birthdays.
Lucas, why did you forget?
- Who are you kidding? - I had to work late.
Don't ever do it again.
Now you say "Happy Birthday".
And now you kiss me.
Let go of the pole, Mrs. Raspail.
Move your legs, your arms... Very good.
Take a breath. Watch your rhythm.
I'm fed up. Since you work together,
it's non-stop trouble.
You could have killed her!
She's coming to her Thursday class.
That's not the point!
As for you, next time, you're fired.
- You too. - Lay off him!
I said "Lay off him." I'll be going.
I'm the troublemaker,
so I'll go find another job.
No one's stopping you.
No, wait.
It's not worth it.
It's my fault. It won't happen again.
Beat it...
You better toe the line. I'm watching you.
Were you serious? You were ready to leave?
You'd have missed me?
It'd have been a shame.
- You'd have missed me. - Shut up.
It'd have been stupid to leave.
Pain in the ass.
I didn't know you had a fan club.
Me neither.
A souvenir of your belly dive.
You were lucky.
Thanks, Dad.
Get going now. I need the bed.
I have a long waiting list.
Call me. We'll have dinner.
Whatever...
Still with that girl?
Lise? More or less.
- Are things okay? - More or less.
And between you and your wife?
More or less.
It's you! You were supposed to come see me six months ago!
I'm cured. You should be happy.
Don't fool around with that. Take an appointment.
No way. Your treatments were killing me.
- That's nonsense. - Get real.
They don't work on me.
There are other drugs available.
I can't get them right away.
No use waiting until I'm dead.
I'll make my own antivirals all by myself.
And I'll do it better than you, doc.
I have a new boyfriend.
He's Mr. Right. It's no time for weakness.
I expected to see a cadaver.
Aren't you going overboard?
So long. I'm going.
What about my flowers?
What are you doing?
Get lost!
Stop it!
Get lost!
Put everything back and I'll let you go.
I do what I want, asshole.
Good heavens! My husband!
Tough luck.
Cut the crap.
Sit down.
Come on, I won't rape you.
See? We get along.
What do you think of me?
Don't start.
Have you ever looked at a guy?
- I see guys all day. - I know. Naked ones.
But you don't look at them. You're scared to get a hard-on.
Bullshit!
I love you, Lucas.
Stop it, please.
I can't.
Go home.
How are you two?
Fine.
I'll leave him to you.
Am I bothering you?
It's been two hours. Come out.
Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong.
Put your arms around me.
Caress me.
Put your mouth here.
Stop.
- That's enough. - No, it isn't.
Stop, I said!
Why don't you want me?
It's not the first time.
If you don't desire me, something happened.
Did you meet someone?
What's going on?
It's Martin.
What does he have to do with it?
I answered your question.
Did something happen? Did he...
No, he didn't. He didn't do a thing.
Why am I telling you this? I'm just tired.
I'm glad you came.
We haven't eaten together in ages.
What nerve! You're never free!
- How about "Chez Vincent"? - Perfect.
- Are you okay? - Fine.
Are things okay with Lise?
Are you sure?
Why do you ask?
We're not too close. We don't talk much.
I don't know about your life.
I didn't know you prefer men.
Your relationship with Martin is between you two.
How do you know Martin?
I was his doctor. Did he tell you?
About what?
He's up to his ears in AIDS.
Kaposi, toxoplasmosis... he had it all.
Are you careful?
Don't worry.
I'm fine.
Let's eat, but don't bring this up, okay?
Okay.
No, Mathieu. I won't go back to the hospital.
When did you do your last tests?
I'd prefer to see a fortune teller.
Being in a hospital bed is like trying out a coffin.
I'm not big on hospitals either.
Now they search me at the door.
They're scared I'll chain myself to the director.
Not that he doesn't deserve it.
Don't you get tired of annoying people?
We could be nice and discreet. Respectable sick people.
Like in the slaughterhouse.
They toll the bells of Saint Faggy.
Keep your bells.
I deserve the Military Cross.
But they give it to survivors.
You heard about Fabrice?
Yeah, I did.
See this?
It was my phone book. Now it's an obituary.
- Why are you here? - To talk to you.
I know you're sick.
So? Does that bother you?
- If you need me, I'm here. - If I need what?
A nurse?
What are you doing here?
You want to do a good deed? Buy a red ribbon.
But don't wipe my ass with it. Not you.
That's not why I came.
Why then?
Out of pity?
No, not out of pity.
Why?
You're right. I shouldn't have come.
Look at me, Lucas.
I'm not dead yet.
The day I die, I'll let you know, okay?
Okay.
Stick by your phone. You never know when...
Wait.
Do you like Pavese?
Pavese, the poet. Do you like him?
I don't know him.
It figures.
- It's late. - Is it?
I dilly-dallied.
- What are you reading? - Pavese.
What's it about?
Lots of stuff.
They were in front of the door. Weird, isn't it?
They got the floor wrong.
Who?
The book deliverers.
The book deliverers. They exist.
They even underlined a passage.
Who?
The deliverers.
Cut it out you fairies!
- Is it his menopause? - Exactly.
Pablo, what do you care about music?
That's true. I'm sorry.
Better now?
Just great. My Kaposi is in great shape!
Enough! Don't make a big deal over 3 lousy T4's.
How many do you have?
200?
A millionaire! Place your bets! And you?
62.
I have 3. I win. At zero, I get a trophy.
Take your pills with water.
It's better this way.
At the rate I'm going, pop corn would be as useful.
Can I ask you a favor?
Shoot.
When this shit is over,
when I'm a rotting cadaver, do something for me.
Cut off my head and send it to the President.
Let me spoil his lunch.
You're such a pain, I'll love cutting you up.
You're the best.
- How's it going with Lucas? - Fine.
We've become soul sisters.
He reads to me... knits.
He's great.
Perfect.
Marvelous.
My dream come true.
Tonight... he'll share my bed.
Place your bets.
Why are you calling? Are you dead?
No, I'm fast asleep.
Who is it?
- Let me talk to him. - Forget it.
What did he want?
I don't know. And I don't care.
Come in.
- What's wrong? - I can't sleep.
- Why wake me? - I can't sleep alone.
- Why me? - I want to sleep with you.
You wanted to help me, so stay.
Talk to me. Put on some music.
At 3 a.m.?
There's no controlling desire.
Let me die alone if you want. It's your choice.
Why did I call? I shouldn't have.
It's unbearable. I like you too much.
Go back to bed with Lise.
But understand I wish I were her.
Promise you won't touch me.
Of course I promise.
You'll do the touching.
Come on. Put your hands here and your head behind mine.
I don't believe it. You're a real virgin!
Give it a try. It's harder for me.
Caressing isn't forbidden.
Stop!
I'm the sick one. I'm entitled to caresses.
How about a blow job too?
I'd rather wait.
You can't hurry love.
"That day, you will know.
"That day, we too will know
"that you are life
"and that you are nothingness."
"Death will come. It will have your eyes."
I'm glad you read it.
Coffee? I just made some.
I'm Rose.
Martin's mother.
Have a seat.
Sugar?
Do you live with him?
Then we're friends too.
It must be serious. It's good it's happening now.
You're handsome.
- Why do you say that? - I'm happy for Martin.
He deserves it.
He mentioned his disease?
So you use protection when...
I mean...
How silly of me. Martin's always careful.
He's very serious.
Be honest with me: do you love him?
Of course he loves me!
Right, honey?
Don't be embarrassed. Mom understands.
- What's there to understand? - Exactly. Nothing.
You like men, you sleep with Martin. It's normal.
What'll she think?
That we sleep together. She's cool.
And me?
Just like me, asshole.
Look at me. No lipstick, no feathers up my ass. I'm like you.
- That's not what I meant. - What then?
Surprise!
Juventus.
Inter.
Barcelona.
It's chic for Sundays.
I'll give you one too.
What's your favorite team?
I don't know.
My dad was a soccer coach. When he learned I liked boys,
he was so ashamed, he wouldn't let me kiss him.
The field became off-limits.
Martin started collecting every team's outfits.
So that ass would be less ashamed.
You were ashamed too.
Are you kidding?
- At first I was a little... - Crushed.
Suicidal.
Then Mom pulled herself together, buying me jerseys to sleep in!
Solidarity! My husband was an asshole.
I got fed up and kicked him out.
Today... I'll take you out for a ride.
Move your ass!
Lucas, wait...
Brazil, that's it!
You like Brazil?
Yellow and green go with his eyes.
#March forward, people, rally round!
#The red flag, the red flag!
#March forward, people, rally round!
#The red flag will triumph!
#Long live socialism and liberty!
#And the red flag will triumph!
Take a deep breath like me.
It may be one of my last.
What? You don't like my ride?
No, it's in bad taste.
But you might as well go all the way.
No, actually, I don't like it here.
What are you up to?
I'm going round the property.
Choosing my next home. Aren't I allowed?
I'm such a perfectionist.
You don't need us here.
I'm doing it for you!
Won't it be nicer visiting me in a pretty cemetery?
Don't sandwich me between a highway and a factory.
Don't ruin my day! I'm dying and you're brooding?
Let's go. It's too sad here.
Full of couples and families. Fucking cemetery!
I don't like this one either.
I have one left to see. Shall we?
Enough!
Hey, Rose!
What are you after? Aren't I unhappy enough?
What else? Screw your cemetery!
I won't let you go! For once, you'll obey
your mother.
Obey, or I'll slap you in front of your friend.
I don't deserve that.
I don't belong in a cemetery.
I'm not Jewish, Catholic or Muslim,
none of the above.
There's one place where I want to be buried.
Here.
And especially here.
I'm glad Martin's with you.
You're good. And he seems happy.
He hasn't always been.
I try my best.
Can we speak frankly?
I hope you're not playing with him.
If you're not sure of yourself, go away.
I'm not playing.
You better not be.
If you hurt him, I'll kill you.
I'll blast your brains out.
I have to take it out on someone, right?
Do I seem dumb?
What now?
Nothing. It's great picnic weather.
How are you two? Have a nice day?
How about your night? How was that?
I hear guys suck best.
Nothing happened.
Come on...
You go off in the night, don't call all day... What happened?
We were with his mother.
Mother-in-law came along?
Hello, ma'am.
- You're not funny. - You think it's easy?
Stay there!
You can't have Lucas.
He's mine.
Understand?
He loves me, lives with me, makes love to me.
I don't ask that much.
You're pissing me off! This concerns me!
Can't I decide?
Go on, decide for once.
Martin needs me.
- And I don't? - It's different.
Sure it is.
Stop, Lucas.
He's sick.
You understand now?
I see.
Come on, Martin. Let's go.
What can I say now?
- You understand? - You don't.
If he weren't sick, would things be different?
You'd still have slept at his place.
It's high.
No, the void is in your head.
Come closer.
Imagine touching the water.
Can you feel it?
A rubber ring, please.
Can't you help him? He has to pull through.
Martin can't be treated. It's too late.
Do your goddamn job!
How?
With what?
Tell the Minister or the drug companies.
They claim everyone's cured. They love selling treatments.
They come out with a new one each month.
They live well. But too bad...
Too bad, because my patients keep on dying.
As for my job,
I try to do it... With the means I'm given.
So? When will you get moving?
Once everyone's dead?
At last, a pretty nurse!
Tell me the truth, doctor.
I'm doomed, aren't I?
You've still got time.
A beautiful thing like me... how tragic!
Let's go.
We can't welcome the new year here.
It's too depressing.
And there's no confetti.
What are you doing?
Changing hotels, ma'am.
I wanted a room overlooking the sea.
You're staying put.
Relax... I'm of peasant stock.
We like dying at the farm.
And you're not my type.
I prefer the bellhop.
Cut it out.
Put it all on my bill.
Can I lean against you?
I used to swim here as a kid, with my mother.
I came every year until I was 16 or 17.
Then I had enough.
I went to Italy. I traveled around.
It's dumb. I had it all here.
All the discos, all the beds I saw.
Then you show up. I could have killed you.
Couldn't you have come earlier?
You don't care? You pull away from me?
You're not like me?
That's not true.
Can I kiss you?
Don't look so glum. Just one kiss.
Relax, it's not contagious.
Come on, it's just a kiss.
Okay.
But not a long one.
- No tongue. - Of course not.
I'm not an easy lay.
- Promise? - On my T4's.
You promised!
Sorry. I have no more T4's!
Very funny.
You're a good kisser.
Hot Lips!
Come back!
Millau sent me a get well card.
I'm fired.
What a bastard.
I couldn't have stayed long anyway.
I'd have preferred it to end differently.
I'll have to move. I can't afford this place.
- Where will you go? - You know a hotel?
How will you live?
That's not for me. I'm being ushered out.
That way, Martin. Be a good faggot and die.
Just stay here.
Will I pay the rent with my body? Too risky!
- I wasn't fired. - You can't pay it for me.
I don't know... I can move in here.
No, there's no reason to.
I know one.
It's not a good idea.
Why? It's not what you want?
I'm sorry. I'm suddenly scared of what will happen.
What are you scared of?
I don't know.
That I can't give you what you want, not having the time
or the desire.
I want you...
You don't know what that means...
Yes, I do.
Be careful.
I love you.
Like I've never loved before.
Lise, I'm leaving...
Go on.
I left my number - Martin's - just in case...
In case of what?
If you want to call me.
For a nice friendly dinner?
Who the hell are you kidding?
I'll come back for the rest of my stuff.
Pavese.
Max.
Max is fragile.
You as a kid.
Can I kiss you one last time?
No, I'll use sign language.
You're crazy!
Get lost.
Go, now.
Go now...
Second thoughts?
Not yet.
I can't sleep.
I have to get used to this.
Where are you going?
Out for a drink. So you can sleep.
I'll come along.
If you want to.
- Welcome to the club. - Leave me alone.
You asked to come.
I expected a normal bar.
This is a normal bar, honey.
What's wrong?
You seem upset.
Let me guess.
You want a pinball machine.
Exactly.
I'll show you around.
Frederic, Pascal, Pablo, meet Lucas.
What was that?
That we're almost married with kids.
What did they say?
We make a nice couple.
- You look good. - Just back from Club Med.
This is Lucas.
- No kid brother? - He's one of a kind.
What am I doing here?
We're all the same. But some are gayer than others.
Lucas, come here.
What is it?
Your girlfriend's in the hospital.
Shit! Lise!
The emergency room. Take the day off.
#SILENCE = DEATH
#AT WAR WITH AIDS.
You called Millau?
Sure. You have other girlfriends?
Lie down. We need you here.
What is this?
It's no game.
We're angry.
Angry because eating makes us sicker,
because we're denied certain treatments,
because there's never enough money,
because we're dying and they're screwing us over!
Hi, doc.
You know Martin.
Whose side are you on?
He's my father.
My daddy-in-law! Who'd have guessed?
Go home. Don't get involved.
Get rid of them.
This is a hospital.
#Act-Up fights back, Aids is war!
I think your father is against our marriage.
What are you doing?
It's February 10th.
So?
It's Jerome's birthday.
Who's Jerome?
We lived together for 4 or 5 years.
I can't remember.
I can't keep track of the years.
Five years.
We broke up for a year.
I went to Italy for a change of scenery.
I didn't know we were HIV-positive.
Mathieu picked me up at the station.
Without a word, he took me to the hospital.
I waited for you up to the end...
I looked at him in bed. I caressed him.
I thought: he's not Jerome.
But it was him.
In my arms, he was as light as a child.
I was afraid to hurt him.
It'll happen to me, Lucas.
I'll become like Jerome.
Maybe you won't stay to the end.
I have no right to ask you to.
If you want to go, I won't stop you.
I won't leave you. I never will.
Turn it off.
I want to caress you.
Stop!
It's just my allergy.
Your allergy. To what?
To bastards, air, pollution. No need to panic.
You've lost weight. Did you see a doctor?
- Of course. - Who?
A friend of Mathieu's at the hospital.
You never go to the hospital. When was the last time?
You're not my mother. I've been in hospitals for 10 years.
I've stopped believing in miracles.
You're my only miracle.
It's true, honey.
Did you see my present?
- Papin! - You don't have it?
- You have to. - You take them. I'm full.
I can get up alone. I'm a big boy.
Let's go to bed.
Leave me alone. Martin's dead.
Martin's still alive. Still moving, breathing.
Can't you feel it?
He vibrates... he gets hard...
I'll keep him alive for years to come.
Get going. Go home.
I am home.
Home is with Lise, with your father, but not here.
I love you. I want to stay with you.
That's bullshit. Get lost now.
I'm staying.
You piss me off. What do you love? This piece of shit?
The poor sick boy? Late Martin?
I love you. Martin.
Beat it!
Besides, you're a lousy fuck.
If you want to be alone tonight, tell me and I'll go.
But don't be mean.
I want to be alone.
Fine.
See you tomorrow.
Yeah, right. Tomorrow.
Open up!
I looked everywhere. No one knows.
His mother, his friends...
I have to find him. He's sick.
It's late. You haven't slept in days.
You won't find him at 4 a.m.
This suits you fine.
You're happy.
No, I'm not.
If he dies, everything will be like before.
I'm here, I'm listening. You want me to go looking?
Don't ask too much.
You won't come upstairs?
"Star lost in the light of dawn,
"creaking wind, warmth and breath,
"The night is over. You are light and morning."
The doctor came by this morning.
I know. I pretended to be asleep.
I heard you talking about me.
He told you that the final countdown had begun.
Is that true?
Do we count in days or months?
It can go very quickly.
That's just like me.
At school, during track, I took off before the others.
I'd win, but I cheated.
This time, I didn't even get to cheat.
Look.
I'm shaking.
Are you cold?
I'm scared.
He's here.
Thank your father. He found him.
Hi, Papin.
Wrong.
I'd prefer Waddle.
It doesn't matter. I'll take you anyway.
- We'll try here. - They'll say the same thing.
I have a hunch.
Hello, Father.
We need your church.
But the chapel is closed.
That's just perfect.
My son Martin and his friend Lucas.
Now that you've met, we can start.
Start what?
The marriage.
What marriage?
Mr. Lucas Gallian, do you take as...
Husband.
...as husband, Mr. Martin Barbieri?
I do.
Mr. Martin Barbieri, do you take as husband
Mr. Lucas Gallian?
You are now married in the name of the Holy Trinity.
Do that outside, please.
You're an angel.
Now we can adopt a little Peruvian
or an Argentinean.
I don't want kids right away.
You're too young to be a grandma.
You're right. We have years.
It's nothing, Lucas. I'm just happy.
All in all, I don't mind dying.
They'll ask me:
"Tell us about your holiday on Earth.
"What was the best part?" I'll answer:
"The sea,
"the sun, the sky, the cities.
"There's plenty to like.
"But as for that beach boy...
"keep me posted on him."
Touch me here.
Just touch me lightly.
A caress can be so nice.
Call me "my love".
Say: "My love".
You'll love me forever?
You won't forget me?
Never. I swear.
Subtitles: Andrew Litvack
Subtitling by C.M.C. - Paris